Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Neal Boortz
Neal Boortz[edit]
Getting ready to submit this for GA and would like a peer review from the Biography workgroup. Thanks.. Morphh (talk) 18:29, 17 December 2006 (UTC)
Yannismarou[edit]
Nice. A few remarks:
- Some prose problems. Let's take the lead: "He considers himself to be a Libertarian, and supports eliminating the war on drugs, lowering taxes, and shrinking the size of government, while disagreeing with the Libertarian platform by firmly supporting incremental tax reform, the war in Iraq, and opposing unrestricted immigration." How many participles do we have here?
- Again: "In 2005, he co-wrote The FairTax Book, proposing to implement a national retail sales tax in lieu of federal income taxes, payroll taxes, estate tax, etc., and the hardcover version held the #1 spot on the New York Times bestseller list for two weeks." I would like two sentences here or something like that:"In 2005, he co-wrote The FairTax Book, proposing to implement a national retail sales tax in lieu of federal income taxes, payroll taxes, estate tax, etc.; the hardcover version held the #1 spot on the New York Times bestseller list for two weeks." I would propose a slight copy-editing by an external native English speaker copy-editor.
- I don't like this stubby last paragraph at the end of the lead. Can't you merge it? In any case, you do not have to mention these personal infos in the lead. They are not absolutely necessary.
- "he, for the next two years, took a job working": I am not a native English speaker so I just ask: is it nice to put things between the subject and the verb?
- "Career" is under-cited.
- "Politics" is also under-cited. Try to have at least one citation for each paragraph.
- "former Representative Cynthia McKinney.[16][17][18][19] ". Try not to have more than two citations in a row. There are ways to combine them. Check: Tourette syndrome.
- Alphabetize categories at the end of the article.
- You printed sources are a bit pooor, but this is not an obstacle for GA; neither for FA, if you have good quality online sources.--Yannismarou 19:38, 21 December 2006 (UTC)