Wikipedia:Peer review/Doggystyle/archive1

Doggystyle

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have been working on it for afew weeks now and have improved it to GA status, but I would appreciate a review to help me develop the article to FA class. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks, Guerilla In Tha Mist (talk) 16:38, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Finetooth comments:

Here are some suggestions for improvement:

• I'd recommend a top-to-bottom copyedit. I see quite a few small errors, and the prose could be much tighter in places. For example, "Snoop Dogg expressed that he felt he was a role model to many young black males and that he addresses the subject matter on the album to relate to this audience... " could be tightened and corrected. I might suggest "Snoop Dogg said that he was a role model for many young black males and that his album spoke to them."

• It would be good to include in the "Background" section something about the background of the genre itself. In the lead I see, "The album was recorded after Dr. Dre's debut release of The Chronic, the album which is credited with founding and popularizing the G-Funk sub-genre within gangsta rap," but this is not referred to or elaborated on in the main text. A brief "History" subsection right above "Concept" might help orient readers unfamiliar with Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, G-Funk, or the history of gangsta rap. In a few sentences, the article might say what gangsta rap is, what the G-Funk subgenre is, and what gangsta rap's relationship is to earlier musical forms. It might also mention something about the form's social context and suggest some reasons, citing sources, for the form's popularity.

• The lead should be a good summary of the main text. A good rule of thumb is try to include at least some mention of all of the section topics. Also, the lead should not include ideas that do not appear in the main text. "Sex position" is mentioned in the lead but is not included in the explanation of the cover in "Cover art".

• Generally, it's best to keep short quotes inside the main text rather than setting them off separately on the page. Quotes should not be in italics. See WP:MOS. For the three short quotes in the "Cover art" section I would suggest "The quotes come from the dogs at the top of the brick wall on the album cover. They say, "Why must I feel like that?", and "Why must I chase the cat?", and "Nothin' but the dog in me".

• I notice several unusual and incorrect uses of the semicolon. In the lead, for example, the article says, "The album was recorded after Dr. Dre's debut release of The Chronic; the album which is credited with founding and popularizing the G-Funk sub-genre within gangsta rap." The semicolon should be a comma since the second half of this sentence could not itself be a complete sentence.

• Watch out for weasel words. "The title of the album is in reference of a popular sex position" is an example. "Popular" is vague.

• Quotes need to be set off with quotation marks.

• The phrase "sample clearance issues" needs to be explained for the general reader who may not be familiar with recording industry jargon. The phrase "five mics" is another example of jargon that might be mystifying to an outsider. Ditto "snyth-driven" and "funk-induced".

• "It was 4:36 long," would be more clear if the time was written as "4 minutes and 36 seconds" with (4:36) in parentheses. Then you could use 1:10 and 5:36 without spelling them out because the meaning would be clear.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Finetooth (talk) 21:36, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

• I would consider linking Dre in the lead.
• "... of a sex position. It has been certified four times ..." what, the sex position?! Just state "The album has been..." to be 100% clear. You may need to rejig the previous sentence to improve the flow.
• " It was the fastest-selling rap album..." context needed - in the US, the world?
• "the highest US debut album " - highest chart entry or highest selling?
• Link "gangsta rap" in the History section.
• What's P-Funk? (i.e. link or explain)
• "after Dr. Dre's release of The Chronic," is wikilinked in the Recording section but not the History section (were the phrase appears almost verbatim) - seems a little inconsistent to me.
• " by Hip hop fans" - why is Hip capitalised here?
• "He spent much of 1995 preparing for the case which went to trial in late 1995" would read better as "...trial later that year."
• I would link NME for the benefit of the non-expert readers.
• "He was applauded for the realism contained within his rhymes and his harmonious flow which accompanied them." needs citation, particularly the "realism" claim which isn't backed by the two references which follow this statement.
• "weren't officially released " were not... avoid contractions.
• " The Source Hip-Hop Music Awards 1995" in 1995?
• "include Dr. Dre, Warren G, Nate Dogg and Tha Dogg Pound, among others." include or among others but both seems a little redundant to me.
• "couldn't gain the rights to use the beats because the record company weren't " could not, were not etc.
• "The Source magazine gave the album five out of five mics and it was added to their "100 Best Rap Albums". It was Included in Rolling Stone's "Essential Recordings of the 90's". need citations and decapitalise Included.
• Put citations in numerical order. You have [22][12] as an example.
• "platinum" or "Platinum"? Be consistent.
• "Performing Guest(s)" lower case guest is fine.
• Make default sort of the table either alphabetical order or significance of chart rather than in inverse success order.

That should keep you busy for now. The Rambling Man (talk) 13:11, 15 May 2008 (UTC)