Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Awake (TV series)/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by GrahamColm 14:41, 19 August 2012 [1].

Awake (TV series)[edit]

Awake (TV series) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): TBrandley and Davejohnsan (talk) 04:12, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Following the current featured list candidate for List of Awake episodes, I present, Awake, an American television police procedural supernatural drama that originally ran on the National Broadcasting Company (NBC) for one season from March 1, 2012 to May 24, 2012. The show's concept has been considered too complex for American television. It has had extremely low ratings, but high reception since its original debut. Awake recently underwent a peer review, a copy-edit from Davejohnsan, and has already been promoted to GA status, earlier this year, in mid-June 2012. I feel that it truly is comprehensive: the production section is filled with information, the "series overview" section is complete, and recently, the "Setting" section has been merged into that. The "Reception", "Distribution", and "Broadcast history" is filled with fully-referenced information, while, the "External links" area is filled with useful "External links". The article has many useful images, with "Alt" on the images. Prior to this nomination, these were the changes I made on the article for FA. My inpersation for this article was House (TV series) and Firefly (TV series). Thank you for looking at this and considering it. If there are any outstanding concerns, please write below. Thanks again! TBrandley 04:12, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose:

  • Prose and MOS comments from TRLIJC19
    • Lead
      • Some overlinking of common terms (ie. Detective, car accident, canceled)
        • Done
      • "Critically acclaimed for the most of its run, Awake was praised for its casting performance from television critics, particularly Isaacs's performance as Britten."
        • The critically acclaimed part seems like an odd phrase, being that the show only ran for one season.
          • Done
        • The second part of the sentence, I think you mean "Awake's cast members were praised by television critics, ..."
          • Done
      • "A critical success, Awake's cast members were praised by television critics, particularly Isaacs's performance as Britten." -- It should read -Issacs'- not -Isaacs's-
        • Not done. See the page. It is with two a's, not two s's. Thanks
          • Typo was my bad, but that's not the problem; the problem is that it should say Isaacs', not Isaac's
            • Done
      • "Episodes "Pilot" and "Say Hello to My Little Friend" were generally considered the best episodes of the series by commentators based on the storylines." -- comma after 'commentators'
        • Done
      • Everything in the article should be briefly mentioned in the LEAD. Why is there no mention of Writing, U.S. television ratings, Accolades, or Distribution? If something is important enough for its own (sub)section; it should be mentioned in the lead.
        • Done
    • Conception
      • "Kyle Killen devised the concept of the series, which was originally titled REM until production of the show was green-lit by the National Broadcasting Company (NBC) in May 2011.[1][2][3]" -- comma after '(NBC)'
        • Done
      • Again, unlink 'canceled'
        • Done
      • Unlink 'dreaming' in the picture caption and P2
        • Done
      • Can some of this be paraphrased? There's lots of quotes, and very little prose
        • Done
    • Production team
      • IMO, 'showrunner' should be unlinked in the photo caption and P1
        • Done
      • Likewise 'cinematographer', ' 20th Century Fox Television', and 'principal photography'
        • Done
          • Not done, I still see '20th Century Fox Television' linked. Also unlink Jason Isaacs.
            • Done
      • Unlink "Pilot"—it's linked in conception
        • Done
    • Casting
      • "Minnette commended the series's script, and noted the auditioning sequence was fast." -- It should read -series'- not -series's-
        • Done
    • Writing
      • Again, lots of quotes; consider paraphrasing
        • Done
    • Series overview
      • Lots of overlinking (why are all the characters relinked in this section?) (also: detective, car accident, his family, officer, dream, fast food restaurant, heroin, evidence, Kyle Killen)
        • Done
          • Not done, I still see 'officer' linked.
            • Done
      • ""I've seen some really interesting [theories], and I wouldn’t say that anyone is wrong — except the people who are calling it a Dallas or a Newhart, [...]" -- erase the spaces around the em-dash
        • Done
    • Main characters
      • Again with overlinking (separate realities [linked above], Hannah Britten)
        • Done
      • The opening feels repetitious of 'series overview'
        • Done
    • Recurring characters
      • "Other recurring characters includes: Emma, Rex's girlfriend. She is pregnant with Rex's baby, and is focused to give it away. However, due to a discussion with Michael, her father and mother reconsider.[33] Cole, a school teenager who is Rex's best friend, work on a motorbike together, which he let Hannah ride in the red reality, after she convinced him to finish it.[38]" -- awkward setup. First of all it should say 'include' not 'includes'. I don't think the colon setup is smart. I recommend: "Other recurring characters include Emma, Rex's girlfriend. She is pregnant with Rex's baby, and is focused to give it away. However, due to a discussion with Michael, her father and mother reconsider.[33] Cole, a school teenager who is Rex's best friend, also received recurring status. The two work on a motorbike together, which he let Hannah ride in the red reality, after she convinced him to finish it.[38]"
        • Done
          • Not done; there is still a colon before 'Emma'
            • Done
    • Critical response
      • Overlinking (weighted mean, average, IGN, Jason Isaacs, NBC, The Hollywood Reporter, The A.V. Club)
        • Done
          • Not done, I still see 'weighted mean' linked.
            • Done
      • "RedEye journalist Curt Wagner stated that the series was well-written and perfectly acted,[49] and BuddyTV writer Laurel Brown called it a "great episode".[50]" -- Part one of the sentence says 'series was well written', but part 2 says "a great episode". If they are discussing different topics, they shouldn't be in the same sentence
        • Why isn't this addressed?
          • Done
            • Not done; now you have an unnecessary 'it' (BuddyTV writer Laurel Brown called it the pilot a "great episode".[50])
      • "It was #2 in the Best Reviews from Metacritic users for the 2011–12 television season, with a user score of "8.0".[43]" -- '#' should be 'No.' per WP:POUND
        • Done
      • "He wrote, "David Slade's direction conveys the emotional world of the show so well that you could watch it on mute and grasp most of what’s going on. In particular, Slade's use of color—of reds and greens and blues, meant to boil the show's complicated premise down into a visual aesthetic—is so wonderful that a whole article [...] could be written about how he suggests places where realities overlap and intertwine, just through placement of a red scarf. At the end of the episode, you'll leave feeling like you've seen something unique and wonderful, something worth watching every week in an increasingly crowded television landscape."[51]" -- Way too long for one critic, per WP:TVRECEPTION the section "preferably should not exceed two or three sentences per critic, so as not to apply undue weight to any given reviewer."
        • Done
          • There is also an MOS:LQ issue with this line now. - "David Slade's direction conveys the emotional world of the show so well that you could watch it on mute and grasp most of what's going on.", -- comma should be inside the closing quote, and the period should be erased.
            • Done
      • "As the series progressed, the episode "Say Hello to My Little Friend" was generally considered the best episode since the pilot.[55]" -- One review doesn't make it "generally the best episode". That said, it has to be rephrased at P3 of the lead as well.
        • Not done. It is more than just HitFix, I have added an IGN reference there, which also claims it was the best episode since "Pilot".
          • Ok.
      • ""Game Day", by contrast, had mixed reviews with IGN and The A.V. Club giving it their lowest scores in the series.[56][57]" -- Awkward phrasing, I'd recommend: ""Game Day", in contrast, received mixed reviews with IGN and The A.V. Club giving it their lowest scores of the season.[56][57]"
        • Done
      • "After Awake's cancellation, Mareen Ryan of The Huffington Post hoped that new dramas on NBC would "achieve the kind of visual and emotional poetry that "Awake" did. I'm not completely finished watching the pilots the networks sent".[64]" -- rephrase. You're saying Maureen Ryan of HP hoped that new dramas would achieve the kind of visual and emotional poetry that Awake did", which makes sense. But the second part of the quote doesn't go with your lead-in.
        • Done
    • U.S. television ratings
      • "The premiere episode on March 1, 2012 had 6.2 million viewers, the most for NBC in that time slot since April 2010, and an improvement over its lead-in Up All Night.[65]" -- 'Over' should be 'from' IMO
        • Done
      • "Awake premiered in the Thursday 10:00 p.m. time slot slightly [...]" -- indicate that the time is EST
        • Done
      • "The second episode fell by 2 million viewers with new competition.[68]" -- needs more context (what competition?)
        • Done
          • The Mentalist, CBS, and ABC are now double linked.
      • "[...] the final episode is not included as it aired out the regular television season.[70]" -- 'aired out' should be 'aired out of'
        • Done
    • Accolades
      • Overlinking (Jason Isaacs, Kyle Killen, "Pilot", "Say Hello to My Little Friend")
        • Done
      • "Throughout its run, Awake has been nominated for two awards, currently."
        • Two awards? The table shows five
          • Done
        • Avoid vague terms like 'currently'. It's better to use 'as of July 2012' or something in that nature
          • Done
      • "Killen's writing in "Pilot" was nominated under the "Best Writing in a Drama Series", while Jordan Goldman and Paul Trejo's editing work in the episode was nominated under the "Best Editing in a Drama Series" category.[85]" -- the first 'under the' should be 'for'
        • Done
          • Not done; you addressed the wrong sentence. Revert your changes, and fix the correct sentence. Also, replace 'under the' not just 'under'.
            • Done
    • Fandom
      • Overlinking (NBC, Fox, CBS)
        • Done
        • Not done, NBC is still linked
          • Done
      • "Their efforts included teaming up to create a campaign entitled "Save Awake" when the series was in danger of cancellation, performing a sleep blackout outside of major television networks in the United States, a writing campaign send to various network such as Fox and CBS, and created a YouTube fan made video.[85]" -- grammatically incorrect: It should instead read: "Their efforts included teaming up to create a campaign entitled "Save Awake" when the series was in danger of cancellation, performing a sleep blackout outside of major television networks in the United States, a writing campaign sent to various networks such as Fox and CBS, creating a YouTube fan-made video.[85]"
        • Done
      • "Currently, the campaign are trying to convince Netflix to revive the series, by sending letters, tweeting, and phoning the company.[86]" -- avoid 'currently', and it should say 'is trying' instead of 'are trying'.
        • Done
    • Distribution
      • Overlinking (NBC, Global [should only have one link on first occurence; it has two], Fox, YouTube, iTunes Store [should only be linked once on first occurence, and is it 'iTunes Store' or 'iTunes'?], Hulu [link once on first occurence; also is it 'Hulu' or 'Hulu.com'])
        • Done. Except for Fox. That links to Fox (Japan), not the Fox Broadcasting Company
          • Not done iTunes is still linked as the last word
            • Done
      • "Awake episodes premiered on NBC in the United States and Global in Canada in March 2012, which had identical schedules.[87]" -- put 'on' before 'Global'
        • Done
      • "Episodes of the show are also available online on: Amazon Instant Video[94] and the iTunes Store,[95] which offers all 13 episodes for purchase, with episodes appearing the day after their live airing, in SD and HD."
        • Get rid of the colon, instead write: "Episodes of the show are also available online at Amazon Instant Video[94] and the iTunes Store,[95] which offers all 13 episodes for purchase, with episodes appearing the day after their live airing, in SD and HD."
          • Done
        • Don't abbreviate SD and HD--write it out.
          • Done
      • "Episodes can be purchased in HD on iTunes for $2.99, and for $1.99 in SD.[95]" -- again write out HD, and indicate that it's US money.
        • Done
      • "The first episode was made available two weeks before the series premiere on television, on February 16, 2012 [...]" -- 'premiere' should be 'premiered'
        • Done
      • Erase the note about DVD, if there was a DVD it would have been mentioned
        • Done
    • Broadcast history
      • Overlinking (NBC, 2012 tv season, "Turtles All the Way Down", "Two Birds", The Firm, The A.V. Club, The Mentalist)
        • Done
      • "Although it was originally scheduled to premiere in the fall of 2011.[3]" -- comma after 'although'
        • Not done. Doesn't need pause after although.
          • Although is an awkward word choice, because it is usually chosen as the starting word in the first part of a compound sentence, or the second part. Rephrase by perhaps joining the sentence: "The series originally aired in the United States on NBC from March 1, 2012 to May 24, 2012 in the 2012 television season, at 10:00 p.m. on Thursdays,[104][105][106] although it was originally scheduled to premiere in the fall of 2011.[3]"
      • "The last two episodes were scheduled to air as a two-hour finale on May 17, 2012 between 9:00 and 11:00 p.m.," -- indicate the time is EST
        • Done
      • "[...] most notably airing the episodes in the Thursday night 10:00 p.m. timeslot [...]" -- indicate EST
        • Done
          • Not done, That hasn't been addressed
            • Done
      • "Film.com's Gretchen Alice also observed that Awake is in a "tough timeslot", and that NBC's previous show's in the timeslot "didn't fare so well".[110]" -- "is in a tough timeslot" should be "was in a tough timeslot"
        • Done
    • General
      • Per MOS:PUNCT, "Consistent use of the straight (or typewriter) apostrophe ( ' ) is recommended, as opposed to the curly (or typographic) apostrophe ( ’ )." That said, I see several instances of the curly being used:
        • Conception: "Killen said: "the concept of the way your dreams feel real, the way you seem to experience them as something that you don’t blink at until something crazy happens that sort of bursts that balloon. I think I became interested in the question of what if nothing ever popped that balloon? What if you couldn’t tell the difference between when you were awake and when you were asleep? And then I started looking for a way to marry those two ideas up, and a few months later we had Awake."[9]" -- Used twice.
          • Done
        • Casting: - "He's a guy who goes to sleep, wakes up, he’s with his wife, goes to sleep, wakes up, and he's with his son. And so — and he's a cop who sees clues and details that crossover from one world to the next, and he uses that insight to solve crimes."[19]" -- Used once.
          • Done
        • Casting: - "[The main character] was somebody that you couldn't decide if you liked or hated, and I think that Britten's dilemma is something that we’re not only sympathetic for, but somehow we want him to win."[19]" -- Used once.
          • Done
        • Writing: "He stated: "Every pilot that's made comes from some people with amazing prestige. They're all a big word thrown around town and they're everybody’s favourite project and then no one ever mentions them again. Lots of fabulously talented people, and the head of the network chooses only one. But do I want to move here? Do I want to put my kids in school here? Is that what I really want?"[15] -- Used once.
          • Done
        • Writing: "Despite such concerns, Gordon asserted that the concept of Awake was a "fairly gettable concept once you sit down and actually pay attention to it. And whatever learning curve there might be, we hope it’s a shallow one."[19]" -- Used once.
          • Done
        • Critical response: "He wrote, "Awake handles the confusion problem well: yes, it takes more concentration than a Law & Order, but it’s no Inception in its twistiness. Michael himself needs to hold on to markers to anchor his sense of reality—for instance, he wears a red and a green wristband in the existences in which his wife and his son are alive, respectively—and those help us follow along too."[47]" -- Used once.
          • Done

If you have any questions about an issue listed, post below it. TRLIJC19 (talk) 06:36, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for reviewing! Have addressed most issues. TBrandley 16:21, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've left several comments above, and about paraphrasing; just put some quotes into your own words. TRLIJC19 (talk) 17:38, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:08, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Check for minor inconsistencies like doubled periods (usually caused by cite template glitches)
    • Done
  • What makes this a high-quality reliable source? This? This? This? This?
    • Mostly done. I have added new source for Zap2it. I have not removed Cinema Blend, TV Fanatic becasue they are critics reviews, and are considered reliable, because, well they are reviews. I have not removed The Voice of TV, as it is an interview with the creators and producers, which is good source.
      • Although I agree with TBrandley that TV Fanatic is a reliable source, based on its website; I question the reliability of Cinema Blend for a FA. The argument that "they are reviews" is invalid. I can make a website, and post a review of Awake, but that does not make it reliable. I have no opinion on The Voice of TV. TRLIJC19 (talk) 07:01, 14 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        • Per TRLIJC, just because they're reviews doesn't make them reliable. Who are these reviewers, and why should we care what they say? Nikkimaria (talk) 13:16, 14 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
          • I have removed Cinema Blend, and replaced it with a completely new good source review from IGN. Have removed 1 of 2 Science Fiction sources. I can't find a replacement for the other one in the "Casting" section, it is an interview. Thanks. TBrandley 15:32, 14 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
            • Although I'm pretty sure that TV Fanatic is a high-quality source, I have replaced it with USA Today. Thanks!
  • FN42 is broken
    • Done
  • Don't use double quotes - quotes within article/webpage titles should use single quotes.
    • Done

Nikkimaria (talk) 17:08, 13 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Image comments from TRLIJC19

  • Photo of Kyle Killen: there should not be an apostrophe ( ' ) after 'Series', because you do not have 'the' before 'series'. Think of it like this: If it was the creator of a movie, you would say Movie creator not Movie's creator.
    • Done
  • Same goes with photo of David Splade
    • Done
  • Triple picture should have links to all characters/actors mentioned IMO
    • Done
  • Picture of Jason Isaacs under 'Accolades': Link his name and remove the apostrophe (You are not referring to him in a possessive way)
    • Done
    • "Jason Isaacs was nominated for the Best Actor in a Drama Series at the PAAFTJ Television Awards, once." -- 'once' is unnecessary
      • Done
    • After checking a random source, I feel that spotchecks are necessary. This sentence in 'Broadcast history': "The A.V. Club cited several actions by NBC that contributed to the show's failure, most notably airing the episodes in the Thursday night 10:00 p.m. (EST) timeslot, in the same slot as hit drama The Mentalist,[110] and the show's script was cited as potentially being too complex for mainstream American television.[110]" is mainly original research; (basically) none of that is written in the source, except for the first part about the time slot. I feel this indicates that spotchecks are needed. TRLIJC19 (talk) 07:16, 14 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • Done
        • I'll be doing a thorough spotcheck later today, and I've emboldened the issues above, which have not been addressed. TRLIJC19 (talk) 16:23, 14 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Templates - "Use of graphics or templates including graphics (such as "-done-" and "-not done-") is discouraged, as they slow down the page load time." - see FA guidelines. Thank you. GermanJoe (talk) 09:12, 14 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks

  • Ref 1: "NBC just kicked off its second day of pickups with orders to Kyle Killen’s Inception-style Awake (form. REM)...
    • Article: "Kyle Killen, the series' creator, devised the concept of the series, which was originally titled REM until production of the show was green-lit by the National Broadcasting Company (NBC), in May 2011."
  • Ref 11: "Jennifer Salke, then 20th TV's executive vp, reached out just days after production on Lone Star wrapped in October and urged him to try again."
    • Article: "Jennifer Salke, the president of the entertainment division of NBC, encouraged Killen to conceive a concept for a future television series after the cancellation of Lone Star."
  • Ref 12: "Filmed in Los Angeles by Letter Eleven and Teakwood Lane Prods. in association with 20th Century Fox Television. Executive producers, Howard Gordon, Kyle Killen, Jeffrey Reiner; co-executive producer, Davey Holmes; producers, Jason Isaacs, Keith Redmon; director, David Slade; writers, Killen."
    • Article: "Awake is a co-production of Le11er Eleven and Howard Gordon's Teakwood Lane Productions label, in association with 20th Century Fox Television, and is distributed by 20th Television."
      • Why does the source say "Letter Eleven" but the article says "Le11er Eleven"? Also, the source does not mention that it is distributed by 20th television.
        • Done
  • Ref 29: "There's a risk Awake is too high-concept for US networks."
    • Article: "He also claimed that it is a "high concept risk" for network television."
  • Ref 40: "You still would have had red and you still would have had green. [...] would have had a really interesting pitch for what to do with that third space, and whether there was an ongoing narrative we wanted to tell there or whether we wanted to use it as simply a surreal dream space that we could access when we wanted to and how we wanted to that let us bring other weirder elements into the show that we’d always wanted to try. [...] The role of Tara was envisioned from the start as a potential love interest for Britten, and though producers, especially Isaacs, wanted to go there, it didn’t feel right for season 1. [...] That was something we were really eager to explore in the second season.
    • Article: "A second season, Killen said, would have used the idea of both wife and son being alive, but not necessarily as a third reality. Also, in the "green reality", Tara would have been a romantic partner."
      • This feels supported, except for the article's text saying: Tara would have been a romantic partner. The source says "eager to explore". The article sounds too definitive.
        • Done
          • That was not done correctly, but I have adjusted it, so: Done.
  • Ref 49: "Well acted and smartly written, "Awake" works as an intellectual puzzler, emotional family drama and case-of-the-week procedural."
    • Article: "RedEye journalist Curt Wagner stated that the series was well-written and perfectly acted."
      • The article does not show what the source says. The source does not call the acting 'perfect', it calls it 'well'. That is a large exaggeration. It should be rewritten to say: "RedEye journalist Curt Wagner stated that the series was "well acted and smartly written".
        • Done
  • Ref 60: "Isaacs and the show play this delicately and well, employing a reservedness that draws viewers to him."
    • Article: "Denise Duguay of the Montreal Gazette thought that Isaacs evoked a reservedness and ambiguity that attracted viewers to his character."
      • Reservedness should be in quotes, since it's an exact copy of a descriptive term she used.
        • Done
  • Ref 86: Needs a 'subscription required' tag
    • Done
  • Ref 87: This reference is a blog, and should be removed, in addition to the text.
    • Done
  • Ref 111: "But in all honestly, it’s a tough timeslot and the shows that preceded Awake on NBC (Prime Suspect, The Firm) didn’t fare so well."
    • Article: "Film.com's Gretchen Alice also observed that Awake was in a "tough timeslot", and that NBC's previous show's in the timeslot "didn't fare so well".
  • Most references appear to support the text in the article, and there are few instances of close paraphrasing. If an issue is listed above, fix it. TRLIJC19 (talk) 07:04, 15 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Have addressed all issues that need to be fixed. TBrandley 14:18, 15 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • The issue for Ref40 does not appear to be addressed. TRLIJC19 (talk) 16:27, 15 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        • It now has. TBrandley 22:19, 15 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
          • I'll be willing to revisit my stance on whether or not the article meets the criteria, after my concerns with 'writing' and 'conception' are addressed. TRLIJC19 (talk) 01:34, 16 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

A comment about paraphrasing: I agree with TRLIJC19 that the Conception and Writing sections need some paraphrasing. They both appear as quote-farms right now. Unfortunately, your beginning efforts here to do dome paraphrasing are not the way to go.

  • Gary Newman, chairman of 20th Century Fox Television, opted not to develop a deal with cable television networks. "We read it and really believed it was a network show. I just don't accept that the difference between cable and network dramas is how smart it is."
  • Your paraphrasing: Gary Newman, chairman of 20th Century Fox Television, opted not to develop a deal with cable television networks, and claimed that is [sic] should be a network show, as it is smart.
    • Done

and

  • The complexity of the script of the pilot episode and the show's concept was cited as a potential issue for the series. Salke evaluated the series as a Sliding Doors–like concept. "The implications of this are complicated," Salke opined.
  • Your paraphrasing: The complexity of the script of the pilot episode and the show's concept was cited as a potential issue for the series. Salke evaluated the series as a Sliding Doors–like concept. Salke opined that Awake's script was "complicated".
    • Done

In both cases, you have changed the meaning of the sentence. --Logical Fuzz (talk) 21:49, 17 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Final comments from TRLIJC19
    • Lead
      • "Britten begins to live in two separate realities after a car accident." -- Unlink 'separate realities'
        • Done
      • ""Say Hello to My Little Friend" was generally considered the best episode of the series since pilot by commentators, based on their storylines." -- Ungrammatically correct: You cannot say "since pilot". Either say "since "Pilot"" or "since the pilot episode". Also, "based on their storylines" doesn't make sense, because even though you mention "Pilot", it is not the main point of the sentence. Therefore, say "based on its storylines".
        • Done
          • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this.
            • Done
              • Still not completely done; you didn't change "their storylines" to "its storylines".
                • Done
    • Conception
      • "Killen stated that it was still an interest to him.[9]" -- Remove; it's repetitious of the previous sentence.
        • Done
          • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this.
            • Done
      • Erase the quotations mark around the block quote; when it is formatted like that it shouldn't have quotation marks.
        • Done
      • "Killen sought inspiration from the dreaming process. Killen said: "[...]"[9]" -- Merge the sentences, reading: "Killen sought inspiration from the dreaming process, adding: "[...]"[9]" Also, capitalize the first letter of the quote.
        • Done
          • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this.
            • Done
      • "[...] he is "making two cases work."[12]" -- Closing quote should be before the period (MOS:LQ)
        • Done
          • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this.
            • Done
              • That's still not done, why?
                • Done
    • Production team
      • "He said, "With The Good Wife, there are procedural aspects, legal aspects, so many personal stories that they have to decide every week what format they'll do and how they'll fit all that in. With Awake, the question we ask ourselves is, why is this an Awake episode? How do you leverage the unique conceit? In some ways, [the premise] flies in the face of storytelling, in which you usually have a beginning, a middle an and end."[15]" -- Needlessly long quote, paraphrase or trim it. Also, it should say "a middle and an end" not "a middle an and end".
        • Done
    • Casting
      • If multiple refs after one sentence can be avoided, they should. That said, why are there three references for "In February 2011, Jason Isaacs obtained the role of Michael Britten, the central character of the series.[18][19][20]" and "In January 2012, Alias actor Kevin Weisman obtained a recurring role on the series.[26][27][28]". These are not controversial statements and there should only be one ref for each. (Preferably the highest quality sources)
        • Done
    • Writing
      • "He stated that every pilot comes from people who have "amazing prestige", and that there are lots of "talented people, but the head of the network chooses only one."[17] But stated: "But do I want to move here? Do I want to put my kids in school here? Is that what I really want?"[17]" -- "But stated" is wrong, because it is not part of the sentence. Just cut out all the crap after the first line, because it adds nothing to the article.
        • Done
          • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this. Why did you lie that you did so many things, and didn't even touch them? If you thought I wasn't going to check, you should have thought again.
            • Done (sorry again)
    • Series overview
      • "However, later, when Michael breaks into Ed's house, Ed admits that he and someone else has been hiding heroin at the Westfield Distribution Center, and "they decided he had to go" after Michael begins to uncover it.[39]" -- "Ed admits that he and someone else has been hiding heroin [...]", "has been" should be "have been".
        • Done
          • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this.
            • Done
      • "Killen said "we actively fought against" the idea that the whole series was Britten's dream, and that what his seeing his wife and son together "really represents is a further fracturing of his psyche."[41]" -- Ungrammatically correct: erase 'his' after 'what'.
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            • Done
    • "Since the finale was written before the show's cancellation, it was written so that either reality could have been the real one, because "we didn't intend to have that mystery sewn up in this episode."[41]" -- Whose 'we'? Perhaps write "[The writers] didn't ..." Also put the closing quote before the period.
      • Done
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            • Done
    • Main characters
      • "There are eight main characters in both realities." -- Unclear, do you mean if you add up the characters in both realities it equals 8, or do you mean there are 8 different characters in each reality, totaling 16, or do you mean the same characters are in both realities?
        • Done
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            • Done
              • The sentence hasn't been rephrased at all.
                • Done
      • "Michael does not know which reality is real, and because of his two realities, Michael now has routine to help him maintain the illusions of control.[42]" -- Should say "Michael now has a routine to help..."
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            • Done
      • "Michael gets confused often, and suffers from a sleeping disorder, and does not like heights.[34][42]" -- Repetition of 'and'. Write: "Michael gets confused often, suffers from a sleeping disorder, and does not like heights.[34][42]"
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            • Done
      • "When Cole accidentally breaks it, Rex fights with him because of this but later apologizes.[37]" -- There needs to be a comma after 'this'.
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      • "Shortly after, Efrem is put on lead on a new case by Michael.[35] They mainly are friends from this point on.[35][32] This is his new partner, after working with Isaiah "Bird" Freeman.[16]" -- Odd phrasing. I recommend: "Shortly after, Efrem is put on lead on a new case by Michael,[35] and the two are mainly friends from this point on.[35][32] [He/she] serves as his new partner, after his working with Isaiah "Bird" Freeman.[16]"
        • Done
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            • Done
              • The second sentence hasn't been changed properly, and it is now grammatically incorrect.
                • Done
      • "However, he still works with Isaiah in his "green reality", while he does not work with Vega in this reality, Vega is an officer in the "green reality".[16]" -- Ungrammatically correct. Rewrite to: "Although he still works with Isaiah in his "green reality", and he does not work with Vega in this reality, Vega is an officer in the "green reality".[16]"
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            • Done
      • "Isaiah is Michael's long-time partner.[16]" -- Tiny sentence and should be deleted; it's been made clear above.
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    • Recurring characters
      • "Captain Carl Kessel, the commanding officer at Hawkins' precinct and man behind Michael's car accident, after hiding heroin in a storage unit, for the both of them.[32]" -- Rewrite to: "Captain Carl Kessel, the commanding officer at Hawkins' precinct, was the man behind Michael's car accident, who hid heroin in a storage unit, for the both of them.[32]"
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            • Done
              • This was not correctly rewritten.
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      • "She is pregnant with Rex's baby, and is originally focused to give it away,[32] but due to a conversion with Emma's father Joaquin (Carlos Lacámara).[34]" -- But due to a conversion with Emma's father what?
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            • Done
              • Now you mangled the sentence. There should be a comma after (Carlos Lacámara), and 'she' is misspelled as 'see'.
                • Done
      • "Cole, a school teenager who is Rex's best friend, also received a recurring status." -- Remove 'a' before 'recurring'.
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    • Critical response
      • "At Metacritic, which assigns a weighted mean rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream critics, the show received an weighted mean score of 75, based on 29 reviews, which indicates "generally favorable reviews".[43] -- Rewrite: " At Metacritic, which assigns a weighted mean out of 100, based on reviews from mainstream critics, the show received a weighted mean score of 75, based on 29 reviews, which indicates "generally favorable reviews".[43]"
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              • That was not correctly rewritten, and you have mangled some of the sentence.
                • Done
    • U.S. television ratings
      • "The premiere episode, which was originally broadcast on March 1, 2012, garnered 6.2 million viewers, making it most viewership for NBC in that time slot since April 2010, and an improvement from its lead-in Up All Night.[68]" -- Rewrite: "The premiere episode, which was originally broadcast on March 1, 2012, garnered 6.2 million viewers, making it the most viewed in its time slot for NBC since April 2010, and an improvement from its lead-in Up All Night.[68]"
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              • "The" is missing before "most viewed". Can you check the page before you save, because it is annoying that most issues have not been correctly fixed.
                • Done
      • "[...] Prime Suspect; which premiered with 6.05 million total viewers and a 1.8/5% share in the age 18-49 demographic.[70]" -- Use an en dash ( – ) for the 18-49, and erase "age".
        • Not done; you didn't do anything to fix this.
          • Done (didn't see in the first place)<
    • Distribution
      • "Episodes of the show are also available online at Amazon Instant Video[96] and the iTunes Store,[97] which offers all 13 episodes for purchase [...]" -- "offers" should be singular.
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    • Broadcast history
      • "However, the final episode, "Turtles All the Way Down" aired outside of the television season, on May 24, 2012.[74]" -- Need comma after "Turtles All the Way Down".
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      • "The A.V. Club cited several actions by NBC that contributed to the show's failure, most notably airing the episodes in the Thursday night 10:00 p.m. (EST) timeslot, in the same slot as hit drama The Mentalist.[110]" -- Rephrase; according to the source they only cited one action.
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              • The way you rephrased it is grammatically incorrect.
                • Done
      • "Film.com's Gretchen Alice also observed that Awake was in a "tough timeslot", and that NBC's previous show's in the timeslot "didn't fare so well".[111]" -- "show's" should be "shows"; it's not a possessive reference.
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            • Done
I intended to only leave 5-10 comments in this section, but it seems as the quality of the prose has declined since I last read through the article. Nevertheless, once the above issues are addressed I will put the article up against the criteria again. TRLIJC19 (talk) 06:00, 19 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Is this a joke? You literally only fixed four issues above. It is ignorant to assume that I would not check to make sure you have fixed the issues. It is one thing if you tried and didn't understand, or did it the wrong way; but you literally made no changes to the majority of the issues. When reviewers take time out of their day to list issues line by line, it is disrespectful to lie that you fixed them. Fix the issues for real, and when you write 'done' under the issues again, please include the fixed sentence, to show the changes you have made. TRLIJC19 (talk) 18:34, 19 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I will assume good faith, and assume that you accidentally did not hit 'save'. TRLIJC19 (talk) 19:08, 19 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry about that. The issues have for now been fixed for sure. Thanks for your understandings. TBrandley 02:50, 20 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
There are still a handful of outstanding issues above, in which your efforts to fix the issues, resulted in further mangling of the sentence. TRLIJC19 (talk) 05:24, 20 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
All the issues have now been addressed, and I will put the article up against the criteria. TRLIJC19 (talk) 05:50, 20 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support on all criteria except 2c (consistent citations), as the double quote issue with sourcing has not been resolved. Other than that, The issues I listed have been resolved, and I believe this can now be represented as one of Wikipedia's finest articles. TRLIJC19 (talk) 06:02, 20 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

There are still concerns about your paraphrasing skills. I have not checked the entire article, but this is another example of where your attempted paraphrasing has changed the meaning of the sentence.

Well, being that you have struck that, I am assuming you think it is done? I can't say it is any better now than it was.
Original quoted text: "It was 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning, and I remember I was so freaked out by the script that I went upstairs to our guest bedroom where my wife was sick with the flu and I got into bed with her," recalled Korman.
Your first paraphrase: Korman was impressed by the show's script, he claimed that it was "1 or 2 o'clock in the morning", and he notified his wife who was sick about the script.
Your second paraphrase: Korman was so impressed by the script that, though it was after midnight, he went into the room where his sick wife was sleeping, and got into bed with her.
Do you really think that portrays the same meaning? I don't. --Logical Fuzz (talk) 21:47, 20 July 2012 (UTC) [reply]
Done

Here you have removed part of a quoted sentence, again twisting what was said. (In addition, as that sentence reads now, you have an instance of "that that"). As it stands, the sources need to be checked in these "paraphrased" sections for accuracy. --Logical Fuzz (talk) 19:13, 20 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments.
  • I'm not seeing the point of both File:Awake logo.png and File:Awake Title.jpg here. They both give roughly the same information, and base their inclusion on the threshold of originality. I'd say go with one or the other. The latter makes a much stronger case for lack of original design, and if cropped a little would sit in the infobox just as easily as the former.
    • Done
  • The second instance of the "red reality" and "green reality" cells in the "Characters and story arcs" is pretty redundant, the cells below these all refer to both columns so it's not necessary to include them.
  • The very last paragraph features three uses of "timeslot" in two sentences; the article as a whole doesn't use the word much so it seems even more concentrated to have most of them in quick succession like this.
    • Done

GRAPPLE X 17:31, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Paraphrasing and the use of ellipsis in this article is problematic. The general rule to follow is if ellipsis points are in the original text, the ellipsis points should be enclosed in square brackets. Looking at the NYP article "...than the average [...] viewer is likely to put in..." I can't see the ellipsis anywhere. Nothing is omitted. Therefore remove the square brackets.
    • Done
  • "Fans first organized to try to save the series from being canceled by NBC." first is redundant
    • Done
  • Ref 91 was published on guardian.co.uk, not The Guardian newspaper.
    • Done

Lemonade51 (talk) 17:48, 1 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments! I think I got the issues. TBrandley 17:58, 1 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: I'd like to see more redirects to this page. You can see a list of the article's current redirects here. Preferably, there should be a few more such as: Awkae (TV series), Awake (TV show), Awake television show, Awake (tv series), etc. TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 15:27, 3 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done
  • Comment: Michael Britten should not be referred to as 'Britten' throughout the article, because there are numerous other characters with the same last name. TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 16:15, 8 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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