User talk:009o9/Michigan Film Incentive Rewrite

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Michigan Film[edit]

Hi 009o0. Some feedback:

It needs a close look to remove editorializing (both positive and negative) like "finally" and "poor participation" with a trim back to just-the-facts.
Along similar lines, a lot of the blockquotes we could do without.
A lot of this could be consolidated into a single "History" section.
The last section should not include the word "Controversy" - we feel this imparts negative connotations and is another general editorializing issue.

In general, what sticks out the most is both positive and negative editorializing and a need for a better structure.

I wouldn't want be seen as sharing back-scratches, so I just thought I'd provide feedback, but won't fulfill a request edit or anything like that. CorporateM (Talk) 20:50, 23 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I see what you mean, needs to be a bit more neutral even though there is still a pretty big debate/controversy over the "Michigan Film Incentive". I'm cutting out some of the block quotes, I think the controversy section needs to stay in because there is a controversy over the incentives. Yes, most of the article will be a subsection == Michigan film office == / === Michigan Film Incentives === under the existing article Film industry in Michigan. Thanks for the feedback CorporateM 02:08, 24 March 2013 (UTC)