Talk:Valeri Bure/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Shudde (talk · contribs) 04:43, 15 October 2014 (UTC)
Hey. I've decided to review this article. I will hopefully start the review shortly, but before I do this is how I normally go about it: I'll usually read through the article starting immediately after the lead, and make comments as I go. These comments do not necessarily relate directly to the Good article criteria, but should in most cases. I believe that if I'm going to review an article, I may as well give any feedback I can, regardless of whether it relates to meeting the GA criteria. I read the lead last. Once I've finished reading through, I normally check the references and images (although sometimes I check these as I go). It's here I'll normally spotcheck the references (to see that they verify the relevant statement) and also checking to close-paraphrasing. If I find any problems with close paraphrasing I'll fail the article immediately – I'm not comfortable passing an article if there is a chance it contains a copyright violation. I see this as a collaborative process, so if you have any questions feel free to ask, and I'll make sure that I check back regularly. – Shudde talk 04:43, 15 October 2014 (UTC)
- Early life
- "Nobility also ran in Bure's history" -- not sure about this statement. How about "Bure's family had a noble history" ?
- "However both ultimately became estranged from their father, along with his second wife and their half-sister Katya, by 1998. Neither brother explained a reason for the split." -- A couple of minor suggestions here. How about "However both
ultimatelybecame estranged from their father, along with his second wife and their half-sister Katya, by 1998. Neither brother [has] explained a reason for the split." (saying "ultimately ... by" sounds strange)
- Junior
- "In doing so, he became the first Russian in the league's history" --> "In doing so, he became the first Russian player in the league's history"
- "instituted an import draft." -- I'm not sure what this is? An explanation, note or wiki-link would be useful.
- Hmm. The CHL exists primarily to develop North American players, but allows a limited number of European players per team. They are assigned via a draft. I will have to think on the best way to respond to this. Maybe a new article if I can find a couple solid sources. Resolute 23:18, 15 October 2014 (UTC)
- Maybe worth linking to Point (ice hockey) in the first instance
- "He was named to the" --> "He was named in the"
- "returned to junior" -- is this acceptable English?
- "He struggled with injuries that season as he suffered two concussions as well as a kidney injury." -- did he play fewer games in 96-97 than 95-96; if so is this worth mentioning?
- "At five feet, ten inches tall, Bure was a smaller player in the NHL." -- include a metric conversion here, especially as this is a bio of a Russian-born person
- "as well as increased opportunity to play with a young Flames team" -- this is not clear. Before the trade he had no opportunity to play with the Flames, so how about "as well as the opportunity to play in a young Flames team"
- Calgary Flames
- "Bure's offensive ability emerged in Calgary as he became one of the team's leading scorers." -- is emerged the best choice of words here?
- "The departure of Flames' star Theoren Fleury provided additional opportunity for Bure" -- how so?
- Florida, St. Louis and Dallas
- "He did not sign until late September, a delay which resulted in his being a brief hold-out from Florida's training camp in advance of the 2001–02 season." -- was there a reason for this?
- "His brother had already been traded by that point, and the Panthers were also making him available in potential deals" -- the second "him" is slightly ambiguous
- "He was also hampered by a hairline fracture to his wrist after Keith Primeau slashed him during an early December game against the Philadelphia Flyers." -- slash is jargon -- could a more accessible term be substituted?
- Is wikilinking slashing (ice hockey), acceptable? It's the proper hockey term for what Primeau did. Resolute
- "He opted to retire following the surgeries." -- it may be good here to say his age (I know a reader could work it out, but still).
- International
- "Bure made his first of two appearances at the Olympic Games in 1998" -- this could be read to mean the first of two games at the 1998 Olympics, maybe "Bure made played in his first of two Olympic Games in 1998"
- Lead
- No problems here, summarises the article well.
- Other
- Are there references for the statistics compiled later in the article?
- Image
- Checks out, but maybe wikilink to his brother's article in the caption.
- Reference spotchecks
- I'm not going to be able to access most of the references here so for the majority I will have to assume good faith. Can still check a few though.
- [4] -- Having problems here, link is dead
- [6] -- a, b, c, d, e -- gave up after e as found no problems
- [9] -- quote is appropriately sourced
- [10 & [11] -- seems to be a problem with some of the parameters used in the {{cite}} template here.
- [13]-- Checks out fine
- [27] -- No problems.
- [36] -- possible to get a page number here? Especially as it's used for a quote.
- The page number was there, but I have just learned that the
{{cite journal}}
template operates differently than every other cite x template, so the "p." notation was omitted. Converted to cite book to establish consistency. Resolute 23:18, 15 October 2014 (UTC)
- The page number was there, but I have just learned that the
- [39] -- error with the markup here
- Done
Well very little to comment on. Interesting subject (one I'm completely unfamiliar with), definitely reads like injuries blighted his later career. Good job again. Only a few minor things to address then will be happy to pass. Good work as always. -- Shudde talk 05:56, 15 October 2014 (UTC)
- I appreciate the review! I should have some time this evening to work on the article and address your concerns. Cheers! Resolute 13:03, 15 October 2014 (UTC)
- Ok, I should have nearly everything, still looking for a decent way to explain the CHL import draft. Resolute 00:04, 16 October 2014 (UTC)
- Well, durr. I only just now thought to check if CHL Import Draft exists. It's a redirect to Canadian Hockey League#CHL Import Draft, which should at least give you the basics. Resolute 00:08, 16 October 2014 (UTC)
- Ok, I should have nearly everything, still looking for a decent way to explain the CHL import draft. Resolute 00:04, 16 October 2014 (UTC)