Talk:Star Wars/GA1

GA review

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

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I'm doing this in bits: I'll check the images first, then look at the prose.

1. Is it well written?

   A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:

   See below.

   B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:

   See below. Just a few changes.

2. Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?

   A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

   B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):

   C. It contains no original research:

   D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:

   B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):

   Is Dick Cheney's Halloween 2007 costume really relevant?

4. Is it neutral?

   It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:

5. Is it stable?

   It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:

6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

   You could talk more about the binary sunset, but I won't stop you.

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Suggestions

Red is needed for me to pass the GA, green is suggested, but not vitally required.

• "American Graffiti completed in 1973, and afterwards, Lucas set to work on making his space adventure movie." - fragmented. Merge into next sentence.
• "on a farm, with his name now Luke rather than Annikin. Annikin, Luke's father became an active character in the story who was a wise Jedi knight." -> sentence runs for quite a bit. Try "on a farm as Luke. Annikin became Luke's father, a wise Jedi knight."
• "though this was not designed or intended for filming; it was merely backstory. "The backstory wasn't meant to be a movie," Lucas has said." - chop the second line
• Consider changing full names to last names after first mention
• late November of 1977 -> "late November 1977".
• April of 1978 -> same thing
• fix altering spellings of "dark side", "darkside", "dark-side", and "Dark Side"
• as he makes explicit -> past tense
• "After getting a divorce in 1983 and losing much of his fortune" -> "After losing much of his fortune as a divorce settlement in 1983"}} - unless the two aren't linked.
• Last paragraph of "prequel trilogy" - remove a bit of the blame from Lucas, like saying (beef this up) "Lucas often exaggerated claims about his work. Kaminski theorised that this was both a publicity and security measure."
• "Space travel is also common, with many of the planets in the galaxy members of a Galactic Republic. The Galactic Republic later became the Galactic Empire." -> Space travel is common, with many planets in the galaxy members of a Galactic Republic, later the Galactic Empire.
• "The attack is, in fact, merely a ploy by Naboo senator Palpatine, to overthrow and replace the Supreme Chancellor of the senate. Palpatine is actually the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, and is attempting to take over the galaxy." -> "The attack is a ploy by the Sith Lord Darth Sidious under the guise of Palpatine, a senator from Naboo, planned to overthrow the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Senate in his quest for galactic domination". (you could cut that further, to be honest)
• "However, Skywalker soon succumbs to his anger" - remove "However".
• "Also, Star Wars has had numerous radio adaptations." - remove "Also".
• Italicise series names and book names in the "Literature" section
• "The most notable of these are "Weird Al" Yankovic's" - ""Weird Al" Yankovic recorded two parodies:" (Yoda); and (Saga Begins).
• As a matter of interest, there's a source somewhere were Yankovic says how accurate he was (even pronouncing 'Coruscant' correctly) with the latter recording despite not seeing a preview). You might want to include that. This is also good reading; I have an article at FAC and I've had to read over this to help with the prose. Might do well to read it and transfer the skills, because it looks like it could be FA with some more work. Sceptre ^(talk) 03:48, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

All of the above are done. Gary King (talk) 04:15, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

Looks good. Passing, though still not sure about the Dick Cheney costume ref. Sceptre ^(talk) 04:23, 6 April 2008 (UTC)