Talk:Papahānaumokuākea Marine National Monument/GA1
GA Review[edit]
Hi Viriditas. I will be reviewing this article. Off the bat I see a few things:
- Using the deprecated cquote instead of quote.
- Some use of the passive voice when it is not necessary.
- Do all those red links need to be there? (Are articles planned for them?)
I'll go through the article for anything else. Overall, it looks good. —Mattisse (Talk) 21:51, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
- Who actually said the quote? I put "Moderated by..." but that is not satisfactory.
- Could some of the paragraphs be combined to reduce choppiness?
- Commercial bottomfish and pelagic fishing - could this be explained?
- "It was proclaimed by President George W. Bush..." I am not clear what President Bush proclaimed.
- All references need publishers.;
A couple of comments from another user[edit]
- The second image (Image:NOAA_system_map.gif) seems poorly captioned. What is the "NOAA system" mentioned in the caption? What is the significance of the other places labeled in the image? The caption should either answer that, or the image should be changed.
- We have a lot of comments about the effects of the creation of the monument, but to some extent the people making the comments are talking past each other. Perhaps the section could be reorganized, so that opinions on the same subject are placed together? Right now it just seems a bit disorganized. --N Shar (talk · contribs) 22:05, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
- Can you fix it? Viriditas (talk) 23:38, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
- I was looking at the 2nd- and 3rd-to-last paragraphs and I think I have a way of fixing the problem. However, I also noticed that those paragraphs don't have citations. I'll try to rework it, but you're the expert here, so maybe you could take a look when I'm done. --N Shar (talk · contribs) 22:43, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
- Update: Two of the sentences were cited. I can't find a reference for the third one and have labeled it "citation needed" on the assumption that something is out there. If not, that sentence could really be removed without hurting anything too much. --N Shar (talk · contribs) 23:05, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
- Can you fix it? Viriditas (talk) 23:38, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
- Still having trouble with this sentence. Could it be something like "President George W. Bush on June 15, 2006 proclaimed that the area be protected under the 1906 Antiquities Act." Does that fit what actually happened? —Mattisse (Talk) 18:02, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
- Is this sentence from 2006 necessary (are the details clear now)? "Other environmental officials such as Stephanie Fried of Environmental Defense expressed "tremendous concern" that commercial activity, including eco-tourism and commercial fishing, could take place in the reserve, but details on the rules were not immediately available."
- In general, under History and establishment there seem to be many statements that were true in 2006 but the status in 2008 is unclear. And why have details about the African Burial Ground National Monument in Manhattan?
- Is there a way of placing that last picture so that it does not interfere with the references?
- There is a citation needed tag.