Murder of Cameron Blair (final version) received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 19 September 2021 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article.
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I have removed the name of the person who is alleged to be murderer from this article. The cited source of 5 July 2021 only says that person was being sentenced for causing disorder because he waved a knife around. That source does not name the person who committed the murder. It only says that an unnamed 17-year old teenage boy plead guilty to murder and received a life sentence in April 2020 and that the boy was not named because he was a minor at the time of the murder and when he was sentenced. The sources also indicate several other gatecrashers were present, too. To allege that the boy and the named person are one and the same person is improper synthesis and is not verified by the source material. Also, the Irish law about not naming juveniles or minors or those who are under the age of 18 when they commit such a crime and are sentenced for murder probably means the Court and the law has given the juvenile offender name suppression too, so that person cannot now be named, and probably never can be named as the murderer. Even though a person has now been named for other crimes committed during the same incident, it is probably a contempt of Court to indicate the sentenced murderer can now be named, just because a person who committed other crimes around the same time has been named. The sources do not say they are the same person. Also, WP:BLP applies to this article in respect of both the teenage boy and the person being sentenced for disorder. - Cameron Dewe (talk) 10:26, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
My mistake, I must have misread the article. Thank you. Xx78900 (talk) 14:36, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I'll look at this tomorrow when I am more awake! — GhostRiver 05:01, 26 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Hi there @GhostRiver:, thanks for looking at this for me! Having looked at your profile, it almost seems fated for you to review my first proposed GA, as I also have a Bachelor's degree in English, am pursuing secondary education at present, and hope to do a PhD in the future. Also - English and Neuroscience?! How did you manage that! Xx78900 (talk) 15:24, 26 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
What a wild coincidence! And the answer is that I thought I wanted to be a scientist who did English on the side, and by the time I decided that English was my career path, I figured I had enough neuro credits to just finish that major off too. — GhostRiver 20:54, 27 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
This is a bit counterintuitive: per MOS:FIRST and MOS:BOLDLEAD, there are certain cases where you don't necessarily bold the article title, and murders tend to fall under these. Usually, the article begins with either the victim's name and lifespan (see Murder of Sylvia Likens or Murder of James Bulger), or with a detail of the event, and once again just the victim's name is bolded (Murder of Kitty Genovese)
"The perpetrator of the crime was a boy who was seventeen years old at the time of the killing, and whose name cannot be published under Irish law." → "As the perpetrator was a boy who was only seventeen years old at the time of the killing, his name cannot be published under Irish law."
Not done Sorry, I'm not sure how to use this template precisely. Also, I wasn't going to convert the length of the seventeen-year-old's knife, as I feel like inches->cm is important for an Irish page, but not vice-versa.
Not done I don't think this is a grammatical error, and actually think that "was arrested and brought before" reads better than "was arrested and was brought before", though I will happily change it if you think it definitely incorrect/necessary.
The sentence about Oberstown should be cited per WP:INTEGRITY
"for a remand hearing on 5 March 2020. The three were remanded to the Central Criminal Court." → "for a hearing on 5 March 2020, whereupon they were remanded to the Central Criminal Court."
Seeing that the sentence about Judge Dorgan is in this section, I think it can be axed in the 14yo section and just included here, where it's more relevant
The part about the anti-Protestant and "fuck off back to England" stuff feels a little out of left-field; maybe having a paragraph at the top of the article called "Background" that just talks about Cameron and the Blair family would be helpful
Not done I'm not entirely sure that that's necessary. The attack on Blair is the main focus of the article, and was not sectarian in nature. In the memorial section, it states that the service was led by a woman, and that the Anglican bishop offered the family his condolences, which does establish the Blairs' Protestant faith. The line where Barry tells Blair to "fuck off back to England" isn't really the defining element of the abuse, just an aspect of it. Furthermore, I don't think I've actually seen any information regarding Cameron Blair's personal faith, and this seems more relevant to his parents than to him. That said, if you strongly feel this is necessary, I will change it.Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Recommended (but not required) that you use IABot to archive the references in case of broken links
Not done I'm not familiar with the bot and the website isn't clear (in my opinion) on how to use the thing, though I might look into trying to get this to work in future.
Putting on hold for now – feel free to ping me with questions, and let me know when you're finished! — GhostRiver 21:24, 27 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Hi @GhostRiver: thanks for this review, I really appreciate it. I've made some changes, and marked where I have further questions. Thanks for your time! Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Xx78900, apologies for the delay, I am in a depressive phase of my bipolar disorder and it is much easier to do the "less social" elements of Wikipedia (i.e. editing on my own) than to respond to queries. In any case, I have made a few adjustments of my own, mostly small aesthetic changes to the infobox and other template-specific issues, and this is generally ready to go. I do think that a Background section on Blair as a person is important, even if the actual attack is random, just to know more about the victim beyond the gruesome circumstances of his death. I know from the photo that he was part of a rugby club, for instance. Additionally, the one sentence at the bottom of "Threats to family" could use even a sentence more of detail -- it was used by whom to illustrate growing sectarian violence? — GhostRiver 16:50, 1 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
No problem {{u|GhostRiver}}, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. Thanks for the adjustments! I've added some background info, do you think it's sufficient? thanks again. Xx78900 (talk) 12:29, 3 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for making those edits! Looks ready to pass! — GhostRiver 17:54, 5 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Not done Sorry, I'm not sure how to use this template precisely. Also, I wasn't going to convert the length of the seventeen-year-old's knife, as I feel like inches->cm is important for an Irish page, but not vice-versa.