Talk:Merritt A. Edson/GA1

GA Review

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GA review (see here for criteria) (see here for this contributor's history of GA reviews)

1. It is reasonably well written:

   Not Yet

   1. The lead needs to be expanded to summarize the entire article.

Done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

1. 1. The "Central America & China" section needs to be copy-edited because it is written in passive tense.
   2. Longdashes should not have spaces between them. The format for them is "word—word". Please make this consistent in the article. Also, remove the endashes (-) and replace them with longdashes in the prose.

Done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

1. 1. "was awarded a Gold Star in lieu of a second Legion of Merit." - Explain what a gold star is here, the average person does not know.
   2. "He set up an efficient organization on a semi-military basis," - explain this.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   3. Parenthesis should not be in leads. The Navy Cross headers should be renamed.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:14, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   4. The "Other Honors" section is too short to be its own section. It should be either merged into another section or removed. Also, it should be referenced.
      1. Done. I added some info and references. I had to remove the bit about Edson Hall until I find a reference but once I track that down I will add that back in. --Kumioko (talk) 03:39, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   5. Finally, the article should be copy edited. I see a lot of run-on sentences and sentence fragments interspersed throughout. A MILHIST copy edit would solve this if you want someone else to look into it.
2. It is factually accurate and verifiable:

   Not Yet

   1. His commission date needs a ref.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   2. "His efforts greatly contributed to the organization and establishment of this "University for Marines"." - Needs a ref
      1. 1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   3. "his exhibition of coolness, intrepidity, and dash so inspired his men that superior forces of bandits were driven from their prepared positions and severe losses inflicted upon them." - Needs a ref.
   4. it became "Edson's Ridge", in high honor of the officer who "was all over the place, encouraging, cajoling, and correcting as he continually exposed himself to enemy fire." - Needs a ref.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   5. From then on Col Edson was known by all as "Red Mike". - Needs a ref.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   6. "A brother officer said of him shortly thereafter that officers and men would willingly follow him anywhere—the only problem was to keep up with him." - Needs a ref.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   7. "It was also said that he was not readily given to a show of emotion." - Said by who? Unless a reference can be given for this claim, it needs to be removed.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   8. "When the war's over; when the job's done." - Needs a ref.
      1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   9. "MajGen Edson's civilian service was equally distinguished." -This is a statement of opinion which needs a ref or to be removed.
      1. 1. Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
3. It is broad in its coverage:

   Pass No problems there.

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy:

   Not Yet The article is written with a pro-US military slant. It needs to be written in a completely neutral tone.

   1. "A brother officer said of him..." - terms like "brother officer" are not professional and need to be removed from the text. It needs to be written professionally, per WP:TONE. Same goes for "...more than 30 years in the military service of his country." later on.
      1. Done. I reworded this and removed the 2nd piece. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
5. It is stable:

   Pass No problems there.

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate:

   Pass No problems there.

7. Overall:

   On Hold until issues are resolved. 00:23, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

   All right. The fixes have addressed the concerns to my satisfaction. The article now meets GA criteria according to my interpretation of them. Well done. —Ed!^(talk) 15:37, 21 July 2009 (UTC)