Talk:Kermit Washington/GA1
GA Review[edit]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Brad78 (talk) 00:33, 15 November 2010 (UTC)
- Lead
- "Washington is best remembered for punching opposing player Rudy Tomjanovich during an on-court fight in 1977." Possibly need a reference for "best remembered".
- "During Washington's playing career and after his retirement, he has struggled with the negative perception of him that resulted from the punch." Make sure you don't mix tenses. Should simply be "he struggled".
- "and became of only seven players in NCAA history" Should this be "one of"?
- College
- "seven story" should be hyphenated. Pardon my ignorance, but is "story" correct. In British English, it's storey but was unsure about American English.
- "how to do a report." I don't like the word "do". It's too open and has too many meanings.
- "it was hurting his overall performance on the court." What do you mean by hurting?
- What's NIT?
- Professional
- "and found that finding" Found and finding are the same verb. Makes this sentence clunky and difficult to understand.
- "Newell was often seen as a kind, gentlemanly person, who is generally considered one of the most important figures in the history of the game of basketball." Mixes tenses "was" and "is".
- Punch
- "What happens next is in dispute:" Again changes tense. Should be in past tense; happened. The same with what follows for much of the rest of the paragraph.
- "Washington saw Tomjanovich running toward the altercation." Feinstein makes a point in his book "The Punch" to emphasis that Washington was unaware of who was behind him; Washington's instincts, bred from his hard upbringing, caused him to turn and punch whomever he heard coming up behind him. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 207.58.228.18 (talk) 13:36, 18 August 2011 (UTC)
- Aftermath
- "Worsening matters for Washington, the only available replay of the incident showed only his punch, not the scuffle that had preceded it." This sentence doesn't appear to have a main verb. I'd suggest re-structuring to put the latter half first; I particularly don't understand the first phrase.
- "This had made the attack appear unprovoked." Tense: This made.
- "On-court fights had been all too common in the 1970s," Needs a reference.
- "Current NBA commissioner David Stern," I don't like current, it changes over time. Ditto with "today" in the next sentence.
- "Washington received no support from the Lakers and got torrents of hate mail filled with racial epithets." Get is a poor verb, I'd suggest using receive in this instance.
- What was the reaction of Celtics' players and fans to the trade?
- Later career
- Ditto the reaction of San Diego players and fans?
- Retirement
- Check the tenses. Some are fine as "has ..-ed" Others would be better simply in the past tense.
- Others
- "A beautiful basketball mind" deadlinks.
- No disambig links.
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
- It's not a major problem for GA, though would be if you went for FA, but I feel some of the prose is informal. Also check the tenses of the verbs, the article flicks between perfect, present and other forms of past tense, e.g. pluperfect.
- a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- A couple of bits need referencing.
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- I'm not totally au fait with the fair-use policy but the image seems properly licensed. Are there any other images available?
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- No, to toot my own horn, I'm pretty good at finding them, and I can't seem to locate any free ones. AaronY (talk) 22:03, 17 November 2010 (UTC)
- Overall:
Everything's now great. It reads well, is very balanced, plenty of references, etc, etc. A good piece of work. Just watch the tenses if you're going to go to FA with this.
And returning to the sentence still outstanding above, "Worsening matters for Washington, the only available replay of the incident showed only his punch, not the scuffle that had preceded it." I've re-read it and now understand what you mean. It was the word "worsening" which totally threw me until I read it a few times. This isn't going to affect GA, but I'd try find a better way of re-wording this so that you don't use the present participle "worsening". Something like "What worsened matters for Washington was that the only available ..." or even totally change it round to "Because the only available replay of the incident showed only his punch, not the scuffle that had preceded it, it made the attack unprovoked." Anyway, I'll leave that to you. Brad78 (talk) 23:46, 23 November 2010 (UTC)