Talk:Joel Selwood/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Unsuccessful. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:24, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 23:18, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I may use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the {{done}} tag to state when something is addressed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Please let me know after the review is done, if you were happy with the review! Obviously this is regarding the article's quality, however, I want to be happy and civil to all, so let me know if I have done a good job, regardless of the article's outcome.

Links[edit]

Prose[edit]

Lede[edit]

He is a quadruple premiership player (including one time as captain) - what on earth does this mean? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:07, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
six-time All-Australian, and a three-time captain of the All-Australian team - can we not say "six times a member of the All-Australian team, he captained the side on three occasions". Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:11, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Selwood captained Geelong between 2012 and 2022, - why does this lede care more about him captaining things than about him? We should mention first abiut the total time he was at the club. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:11, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
best and fairest - link Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:11, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Selwood entered top-level football early, joining the TAC Cup competition as a bottom-aged player - what is top level. What does early mean? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:11, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Rather than link to "bottom-aged player", why not use his actual age. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:11, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
A potential top pick - a what? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
him to fall to Geelong's first pick at seventh overall - anyone who's not familiar with how a draft works isn't going to know what this means, and they haven't "fall"en from anywhere. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
debut in 2007 - WP:EASTEREGG link. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
He set a VFL/AFL - what's a VFL? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
and he was a member of three premiership teams with Geelong in his first five seasons - he was a member of three teams? But, played on one side? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
With Selwood made captain of the team in 2012, Geelong made the finals in all but one season during his tenure, playing in seven preliminary finals and two Grand Finals—culminating in Geelong's tenth premiership in 2022, after which Selwood retired - this is a hell of a run-on sentence. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Selwood has been recognized for his leadership abilities, his high levels of courage, and his consistency throughout most of his career. ^{[according to whom?]} Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The lede in general isn't written very well, especially with a big old stats dump, things like saying "He also averaged about five tackles per game" and "including at least 20 disposals in every full season except his debut year" Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:19, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

General[edit]

Why have an infobox that just has a great big list of things they've done? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:12, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Review meta comments[edit]

I'll begin the review as soon as I can! If you fancy returning the favour, I have a list of nominations for review at WP:GAN and WP:FAC, respectively. I'd be very grateful if you were to complete one of these if you get time. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 23:18, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- Overall, even just in the lede, this isn't GA level prose. It's very WP:NOFORCELINK/jargon heavy, and seems like a big clump of random statistics about a person. Looking through the rest of the article; there's plenty not cited, overuse of quotations and some WP:BOLDAVOID stuff. I can't pass this one now as not being well written enough. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:24, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.