Talk:Frank Slide/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Diannaa (talk · contribs) 01:42, 24 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I have done the prose and the photos, and will check out the sources tomorrow. -- Dianna (talk) 03:28, 24 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar:
add conversion for metric tonnes in the lead.

"Multiple factors led to the slide: Turtle Mountain's unstable formation left it in a consistent state of instability, leading area native tribes to call it "the mountain that moves". Coal mining operations may have weakened the mountain's internal structure, as did a wet winter and cold snap on the night of the slide." The colon indicates that a list of causes will follow, but there's only one cause in this sentence. Either put a period instead of the colon, or combine everything into one sentence. Would "constant" be better than "consistent"?

"Initial reports on the disaster speculated that Frank had been "nearly wiped out" by the mountain's collapse and it was thought the rockslide was triggered by an earthquake, volcanic eruption or explosion within the mine." This should be two sentences, as it contains two fairly unrelated pieces of information.

"The town proper survived" This might read better as "the town centre survived"
IMO, that can imply that much of the town was destroyed, except the actual centre. I tried rewording to "the majority of the town survived." Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"and was considered the largest until the Hope Slide in 1965" Was considered? Is there some doubt?

"It was thought by some residents" I would go with "Some residents thought". It's more lively and shorter.

"It was feared that the men within the mountain had been buried with no hope of survival" Again, passive voice. Who feared it? be more specific and direct.

"It was too dangerous to use the opening they created due to falling rocks from above, but encouraged by their success, the miners cut a new shaft that broke through under an outcropping of rock that protected them from falling debris." Awkward, probably too long. Can it be re-worded? How about starting with "The opening they created was too dangerous to use because rocks were falling from above."

"The miners found that the slide had devastated the row of cottages that served as homes for their families, killing people at random." It's not clear that the slide did the killing. Please re-word

"the train that was supposed to take them from Morrissey, British Columbia to Frank forgot to pick them up" trains don't forget things; people forget things. Can this be re-worded, or do you think it's ok?
Personally I think it is ok. "The train" in this case implies its conductor forgot. I'm willing to reword if you insist that is incorrect. Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I will put in an alternate wording.

"Though rocks continued to fall around him, Choquette ran for 2 kilometres (1.2 mi) through a dust cloud that left him with little visibility to warn the oncoming locomotive of the danger." How about "Rocks continued to fall, creating dust that reduced visibility, but Choquette ran for 2 kilometres (1.2 mi) to warn the oncoming locomotive of the danger."
I'm not a fan of the two pauses introduced by the commas, but since you're wanting the falling rocks and dust cloud joined together, I've used an alternate rewording. Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I have tried yet another wording. The section that doesn't work is "left him with little visibility to warn the oncoming locomotive".

"a layer of limestone was pushed over top of softer materials" Do anticlines get pushed? Not sure this is accurate.
Alas, I am not an expert in geology. Please feel free to reword if you think another phrasing is more accurate. Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"Miners noticed the mountain had become increasingly unstable in the months preceding the slide; they felt small tremors and the superintendent reported a "general squeeze" in the mountain at depths between 1,100 metres (3,600 ft) and 1,500 metres (4,900 ft) where the coal broke from its seam and was said to practically mine itself." This sentence is too long; please re-word it or re-do the punctuation or break it in two.

"GSC geologists concluded that the weather conditions ... was the probable trigger." Make the tenses agree.

"It was said to have been the coldest night of the winter" Re-word this; get rid of the passive voice or be specific about who said it was the coldest night. For example, "Historian Tim Horton said it was the coldest night of the winter" or "The overnight temperature of -18c was the coldest that winter".

"It was suggested that a layer of air was trapped" re-word please

"It was thought by some that the entire town of Frank had been buried" re-word please

"Frank is now home to about 200 residents and about a dozen homes exist in the path geologists predict the next slide will occur." Not sure; how about "Frank is now home to about 200 residents, and about a dozen homes are within the predicted path of the next slide"

~~"A museum and tourist stop" Should this be "tourist shop"?~~ This is okay

"Its rock face covers deposits of limestone and coal." According to the Alberta Culture website, there are lower layers of softer rock (sandstone and shale) covered by a layer of older, more durable limestone. The strata are nearly vertical. This description might be more apt here, as it better describes why the rock face fell.

All prose concerns have now been addressed.

B. Complies with MoS for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
I have placed the citations above the bibliography to comply with the usual format. A semicolon should not be used as a shortcut for bold; a semicolon indicates a definition list. This is important for people accessing the page with a screen reader.
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Provides references to all sources:
No copyvio or overly close paraphrasing were found. All sources check out fine, and look reliable.

B. Provides in-line citations from reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Main aspects are addressed:
I would like to see a sentence or two added about bouldering activities in the debris field. Suggested source: Fink, Chris; Norman, Marcus; Tremaine, Daren. Bouldering in the Canadian Rockies. Surrey, BC: Rocky Mountain Books. ISBN 1-894765-38-9. (Not a GA requirement - just a nice addition)
My ultimate goal is FA, and I will ensure I look into this book before that step. Thanks, Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

B. Remains focused:
Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

Please change images (except for the panorama ) to the default size per Wikipedia:Images#How to place an image. (not a GA requirement, but some people have an image size set in their local preferences if they have vision problems, and you are overriding that).
Forgot to check the image settings when I started. Fixed, and added alt text. Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
GA review on hold for one week pending resolution of prose concerns. -- Dianna (talk) 17:06, 24 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
All should hopefully be addressed. I've added notes above where necessary. Thanks for the review! Reso lute 00:06, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have done a few more tweeks to the prose. An interesting article, well done. I am passing the article to GA; Good luck on your FA bid! -- Dianna (talk) 03:11, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Excellent, thank you! Your thorough review on prose will be extremely helpful in getting to the next step. Thanks again, Reso lute 18:33, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]